my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
