Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
