There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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