Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
