I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
