Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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