Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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