Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
