i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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