my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
