Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
