a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
