It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
