After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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