Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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