Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
