Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
