Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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