is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
