The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
