Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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