my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i drank out of a bidet.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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