Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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