Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Randomize
