Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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