Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
