Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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