you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
