I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
