She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
