Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
