im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
