i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
