Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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