i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
