Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
