Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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