just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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