got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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