just tell him i said nine months
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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