sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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