Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
