you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
