Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My breasts were aching with rage.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
