Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
