I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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