never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
