i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
