I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
