I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
