i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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