i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
