even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
