i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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