you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
