I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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