How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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